woman comforts stressed partner, affects sex life

Stress and Sex: What you need to know

  • by Ryan Peters

          Stress is something every human must deal with, and the way we decide to deal with it affects every aspect of our lives. Some people work out, some people talk about it, and some just bottle it up and let it consume them (I’ll give you three guesses to pick which one I am.) And we often find ourselves missing out and delaying life events because our anxiousness would cause us to enjoy them less. The goal here today is to try and figure out what effects, if any, stress has on our libido, the quality of the sex we are having and our relationship. Hopefully in doing this we can face the reality of our situation and find better ways to relieve tension and have a happier and more full sex life.

couple in bed having problems, stressed

The question you are probably asking yourself right now is, “Is stress affecting my sex drive?”

          And the answer is yes, but not how you think. It is actually making men have more sex, which seems great right? Well not exactly, you see by having stress induced sex you are creating a bigger problem. Let’s just say the quantity of your work is up, but the quality is seriously lacking. I know you’re probably outraged right now, like, “How dare she! She has no idea what she’s talking about! She’s probably just some old, lonely and ugly hag!” (Rude.) I promise though there is hard evidence to back up my claims. Studies show that men tend to try and alleviate stress by sex, lots of sex, and the truth is you’re not helping anything. What you’re doing is symptom-treating, which is making it feel better for a while but doing absolutely nothing to the actual problem. Then you start to feel bad again, cue more sex, and the cycle continues over and over. All the while your body starts to become affected by all the stress your acquiring. Losing your hair, gaining weight, depression, low testosterone, and many other terrible things are in your future, but hey at least you’re getting some, right?

          Remember how I mention earlier the quality of the sex your having is getting worse, and you were all like, “Shut up, no its not,” well it is not completely your fault. (Yay for shared blame!) You can also hold your partner responsible for some of these subpar sexy times. Now that you have been stress-boning your loved one morning, day and night with no end in sight you have caused some serious disbalance in the force. Humans are creature of habit, and as much as we would like to claim we love spontaneity and surprises the truth of the matter is that they cause stress. See how that’s bad? So not only are you causing yourself bad vibes, but now your partner is also suffering from the “I’m not really feeling it right now, but if I don’t he might be upset and/or feel bad” scenarios. That puts a lot of pressure on your significant other, not having any kind of schedule, and forces them to feel as they always have to be ready to perform. The more compulsive sex you two have the more mundane and boring it becomes, especially if your partner is not as interested in it as you are. Then they just become joyless sex-bots following cues and moving with the motions.

          All this is going to lead to some rocky times in your relationship. couple in bedroom having issues, not talking to each otherThe amount of stress you’re both under is going to create tension, and not to mention the fact that you are causing some of it. You are causing a problem that neither of you are comfortable talking about, and the longer you two ignore it the worse it gets. Your partner is also going to grow to resent the sex-bot thing. They might not be thinking that exactly but trust me, the emotion is the same. There is no love in stress reliving sex, it is emotion less, romance lacking and it’s totally selfish. It won’t be long till you guys start to argue, and you’re made to sleep on the couch. You need to make your partner feel loved and cared for. I know you feel like you’re going through a lot right now, but this person you love is probably feeling used and like you need them for nothing more than to pound one out.

So, stress is causing you to have more sex. That’s the good news. The bad news is, that it is also going to start causing other awful problems for you and your partner.

          The sex is doing nothing for your stress, just symptom-treating a problem that’s going to continue to grow. You’re causing more harm by not facing your problem head on, and it’s going to start affecting other aspects of your life. Your body is going to begin to succumb to stress- caused effects. Your partner is going to feel used and belittled, and you are probably only continuing the cycle by causing them stress as well. Your relationship will suffer as you and your partner fail to realize the problem lies in the fact you spend so much time pleasuring each other and not enough talk to each other. The sex will become meaningless and hallow, no romance and no love will be shared, and you will blame the other. Thankfully there is a way to fix this and it’s incredibly simple. Keep it in your pants! Go on a date, spend sometime together, talk about your fears and what has you so strung up. Finding common ground and listening to each other’s issues is going to be the best form of therapy. Even better than sex!

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Ryan Peters is a well-known fitness and nutrition expert with over 25 years in the business. He has written for many publications about health, and has shared his knowledge with thousands of interested readers. With a PHd in Nutritional Science, Ryan has a depth of information that will really benefit any of his followers.